The State of the (German) Nation

In the interest of bringing German talent to a non-German audience, I translated a Wise Guys hit from the nineties called "Zur Lage der Nation" ("The State of the Nation"). This song takes German nationalism to a new level: satire. At least one immigrant was amused.
The original German lyrics, by Daniel Dickopf, can be found here, music here.

The State of the Nation
I fear our country has a crumbling foundation.
Too many foreigners, an ever-present grief.
That's why I say let's put a stop to immigration!
Head scarves and minarets don't fit our leitmotif.
Today our IT branch has barely any Germans,
And for that we have the Indians to thank.
What a pity that our own kids aren't a-learnin'
How to get a pretty penny in the bank.

Listen up! The nation needs a face lift.
I've got a plan - perhaps you catch my drift:


We'll put the wall back up tomorrow,
to restore a bit of order.
This one won't cut through the middle,
but instead protect the border.
Then Oktoberfest won't be
just in October anymore
And the riffraff of the world
won't come knocking at our door.
With mashed potatoes, pickled pork,
and sauerkraut galore
We'll celebrate by clapping
to an oom-pah score!

We lost many soccer games against our neighbors
Countless shots, they flew right past our defense.
But no more we'll be denied fruits of our labours,
If we have no foreign teams to play against.
The only problem that remains: Mallorca Island.
We can't live without those sunny, Spanish sands.
But what's to stop us from importing mini-Deutschland?
In the North Sea there is plenty of room to expand!
So listen up! The nation needs a face lift
I've got a plan - perhaps you catch my drift:
We'll put the wall back up tomorrow,
...
Imagine Sushi's out and cauliflower's in.
And the Alps belong to Heidi and kin.
And even Opel might exhibit recov'ry,
In this picture-perfect, modern Germany.
We'll put the wall back up tomorrow,
...

Bewerbungsfoto

Applying for jobs in Germany has given me a chance to better understand Recht and Ordnung.

For example, the obligatory Bewerbungsfoto that accompanies every job application. The shot on the left was my first attempt to create such a thing, before I learned that job portraits are subject to hard and fast rules:

- If the photographer charges you less than 50 €, fuggetaboutit. 
- The picture is under no circumstances to have been taken at home.
- The applicant must look into the camera.
- Not too much neck. 

Most of this I learned from a website called "JOB oder FLOP?", which gives inexperienced applicants a chance to get feedback on their professional portraits from strangers. There are hoards of people who give candid, contemplative criticism, and not all of them are trying to promote their photography studios.

Here is a sampling of the comments on "JOB oder FLOP?": "Your lipstick doesn't match the color palette." "Looks artificial." "Did you just roll out of bed?" "Ever heard of body language?" "Can't you do something about that droopy eyelid?"

In the (embarrassingly) large sample that I evaluated, I never saw a rating higher than 7 out of 10. That could be because only novices or insecure (looking) people post their pictures on "JOB oder FLOP?". But I think it also says something about German mentality: there is no such thing as a perfect 10, because that wouldn't leave any room for doubt or the fabrication of new requirements.